I hurt someone close to me.This person means so much to me that the fear of loosing this person in my life made me admit to myself & others a secret that I have kept for over 10 years.
I am a survivor of verbal, psychological, sexual, & physical abuse.
The man who abused me is in prison for 2 counts of 1st degree sexual assault of a child, 3 counts of child enticement, and 3 counts of child sexploitation.
I worked for him & eventually starting living with him. Everything was fine at first and then slowly little things started happening.(I'll spare everyone the graphic details) I eventually was not allowed to talk with anyone or to leave the residence except for work.
Someone noticed and assisted me in escaping the horrible situation in which I was in. I moved to 3 different cities after this incident, acting as if it never occurred.
This does not excuse my actions. It was necessary to admit this to myself so that I could let go of the shame & the anger and start healing & stop the cycle of abuse.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are. ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha
The passing of numerous queer male teenagers across the United States of America has urged me to blog about the adversity that I myself have endured.
It's intended as a story of endurance and I'm optimistic that it will provide some healing for myself. I was reluctant to share these stories for fear that I would be perceived as someone with baggage or as someone who should be handled with care.
I was always picked on, called names, and bullied in school for being frail and having no interest in athletics.
I was physically assaulted outside in front of my high school after my father had dropped me off one day. As I crossed the street the boys standing in a group on the corner smoking catcalled to me and I responded by flipping them off; they ran after me calling me names and pushed me. I don't ever recall having hit pavement with such force before. The only emotion I remember having is anger. I decided from that day forward if it was possible for them to hurt me to that extent, that death was also possible and I refused to die ashamed of myself. From that moment on I decided to live my life as a proud queer individual, and to show this pride to others.
The second time I was assaulted was after high school, late one night walking to a convenience store during a party with a friend, who is actually heterosexual, we were walking back and without warning three individuals were on top of us punching and kicking, calling us names. I was bleeding from my nose and my winter coat was stolen.
I can't say that it gets better like so many can, but without these experiences I would not be the proud queer individual that I am today.
It's intended as a story of endurance and I'm optimistic that it will provide some healing for myself. I was reluctant to share these stories for fear that I would be perceived as someone with baggage or as someone who should be handled with care.
I was always picked on, called names, and bullied in school for being frail and having no interest in athletics.
I was physically assaulted outside in front of my high school after my father had dropped me off one day. As I crossed the street the boys standing in a group on the corner smoking catcalled to me and I responded by flipping them off; they ran after me calling me names and pushed me. I don't ever recall having hit pavement with such force before. The only emotion I remember having is anger. I decided from that day forward if it was possible for them to hurt me to that extent, that death was also possible and I refused to die ashamed of myself. From that moment on I decided to live my life as a proud queer individual, and to show this pride to others.
The second time I was assaulted was after high school, late one night walking to a convenience store during a party with a friend, who is actually heterosexual, we were walking back and without warning three individuals were on top of us punching and kicking, calling us names. I was bleeding from my nose and my winter coat was stolen.
I can't say that it gets better like so many can, but without these experiences I would not be the proud queer individual that I am today.
Monday, September 20, 2010
“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”
I embark on this blogging journey with expectation that it will initiate my metamorphosis. The last couple of years were spent being insular and intensely concentrating on healing.There is a quote by Henry David Thoreau that describes how I wish to be from this moment on. "You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment." I draw power from my previous adversity. I have great hope for the future. This is merely one move in the correct direction.
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