I have serious trust issues due to my sexual and physical abuse experience. Regardless of the fact that I am queer I am a man. I blame myself for what happened to me. I'm effeminate, short and stick thin. I blame myself for not being able to defend myself against my abuser. I am a man I should have been able to defend myself. I believe that because I made myself vulnerable I was hurt. I'm not close to anyone in my family and I'm not close to friends. I don't make friends either others usually have to initiate this process. This is all because I don't want to make myself vulnerable because there is a chance I could get badly hurt again. Even though I recognize this, it will take immense amounts of work and time to overcome. I've seen a Dr. and have been put on Prozac I also attend a support group on Tuesday nights for queer male survivors of abuse. I want nothing more than to become the best person I can be. I think it's my spirit and will to survive that draws people to me and makes me a rememorable person when you meet me. I want to be able to trust myself enough to free my spirit.
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